Because my parents are so mean and consumed by the thoughts that I might end up a fat person, is it bad that I feel extremely guilty to eat anything at all. Right now my parents have me on a 1500 calorie a day diet. I can not eat cheese, bread, or anything with a lot of calories. I am so scared to eat anything at all now in fear that they might yell at me. Today not an hour ago we ate diner and I could only eat a little of the food my mom cooked and now my stomach is still growling. I felt so guilty to eat what little I did eat and it was only maybe 80 calories. I have not ate a lot today. I had a frozen taco [around 270 calories], a REALLY small bowl of whole wheat noodles [about 270 calories as well], and a wrap with a little hamburger meat [about 80 calories]. That is only 600-700 calories, but I felt so guilty eating just a bite of it. I need help trying to get over the guilt so I do not end up starving myself to death in fear of displeasing my parents. DAMN, why do I care so much.......?
Posted at 19:02 by
Kat_Music
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16th October, 2007
OMG. I found out that Jesse, the guy I like, is still thinking about whether or not he wants to date me. I asked him out on Friday. Today I have NOT been able to stop smiling. I have been smiling and squeeling like there is no tomorrow. My friends have been giving me these weird looks like 'What is wrong with you?' Nothing is wrong with except I AM EXTREMELY HAPPY!!!!!!! Life is now at one of it's finer points. High school just got a reason for me to smile.
Now see here. Jesse is a strawberry-blonde, like me, and his hair is long. He is the first guy that I have EVER liked that has a different hair color besides brown. He is a musician, and I LOVE musicians. He plays the bass in this band with some of my friends. The band is called, Crimson Warning. [Click the band name. It's a link. OMG.] He is EXTREMELY TALL, which I like in a guy. He has this laid back attitude, and an AMAZING voice. MY GOD, sometimes I just want to jump him.
Anyway my day has been great, considering what I went through this past year. Finding love and then he realizes he just don't love me any more. Then he continues with the relationship for one and a half months after coming to this realization because he doesn't want to hurt me. [It was only a five month relationship. If that.] Well in the end, I ended the relationship because he was being distant, and I felt like I had the plague or something. Deep down I still love him a little bit even though he hurt me. Not wanting to hurt me just hurt me more, because every day that I spent with him I loved him more and more.
Love lies idly in my life for now at least. I will just wait for Jesse to decide if he wants to date me. I just hope he decides that he does, because I really, really like him. I mean I like him a lot. Guys are just oblivious to the obvious things in front of them. People really need to help him see that I like him. Some one help a redhead catch the attention and eye of a fellow redhead.
Well that's all for now. Thanks for reading.
<3 Katherine [Katy = Kat Lady]
Posted at 19:47 by
Kat_Music
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